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Web Personals

Writing Ads For best Results | Personals Email Lists and IRC channels
Responding to ads for Best Results | Best BDSM/Fetish Personal Ads Sites

There are only so many hours in the day. There are only so many places you can be at any given moment. Coincidences happen, but when you're looking for that special partner, do you really want to leave it completely to chance?

The search for the right partner can be very frustrating, but when it comes to something important, being as aggressive as possible in your search will raise your chances of finding what you're looking for so you don't have to "settle".

There are two things needed prior to searching for a partner on the internet. The first and probably most important, is to Get a Free Email Address that's anonymous enough not to 'out' you to the wrong people. Remember.. there ARE stalkers out there, so This is a step that while quick and easy, can save you alot of grief later.

Hotmail Yahoo

The other thing is to figure out honestly what you need and who you're looking for. Check this information on Writing Ads For best Results for a few tips.

So you have composed a great ad.. It won't do you much good if that special person doesn't find it. Below is a list of the Best Places to put Your ad which are all Free for both placing and responding to ads. Place your ad in several of them to increase your chances. In fact, there are other resources you can place your ad. There are Usenet newsgroups specifically for personal ads, Local Organizations some of which have sections for local personals ads in their web sites, Personals Email Lists and IRC channels, and never underestimate the power of letting friends know you're seriously looking for a partner.

Nearly every day I see a response to an ad that obviously blows any chance that person had of catching the advertiser's interest. Check out this information on Responding to ads for Best Results before you send off that response and even more important, Read their ad before you respond.. If they specify what they're looking for and you clearly don't fit those specifications, you'll only make it clear that you're more interested in YOU than THEM.

BDSM/Fetish Personal Ads Sites

Note: Pages in bold are the ones I would use first
Another Note: I don't list pay sites or pay-to-respond sites..
If you find that one of these sites is no longer free, please Let me know

  • Alt.com - largest BDSM/Alternative Lifestyle Personals! Listing, chat, and other resources are free, membership or earned points required to browse profiles or initiate contact.
  • Collarme.com - Fully free with profiles, chat, groups, etc
  • Dark Connections - Personal ads and bdsm resources created specifically for people of color.
  • Fetlife - More a networking site than a personal ad site. And the best at what it does. Wide variety of people, forums, a lot of location specific groups and event listings as well as profiles, etc
  • lifekink - new and slowly building but has a lot of promise
  • mydungeonspace - Newer networking/personal ad site
  • SMPleasures - Slowly growing, free, but not very diversity friendly
  • Castigatio's M/M Spanking Site (formerly Uncle Jan's) Free personals ads for M/M spanking in Europe (Amsterdam based)

Other Online Personals Resources

My List of Local Organizations & Contacts - Many of the local groups have sections on their sites for local personals ads

Email Lists and Online Clubs:

BDSM Personals email list on egroups
ChristianBDSMsingles on egroups
Christian-singles-BDSM-personals on egroups
Dominance_submiss_personals A United States based BDSM personal list for Real Time Lifestyler's Only!! This is NOT for those seeking Cyber relationships. [Homepage]
Singles ISO Spanking Yahoo group for those seeking spanking partners *12/2007 mostly dormant
Subscribe to spankingpersonals egroup for UK based spanking personals. *12/2007 mostly dormant
TPE Personals email list

IRC Channels:

#bdsm_personals Free BDSM Personal Ads that can be both read and posted through our channel bots in #bdsm_Personals on Undernet, Dalnet and Efnet, as well as, on our web page * homepage temporarily down
#subs_Seeking_Masters on irc.bondage.com
#bounddate on irc.bondage.com includes database of personal ads

Also, Check out the many online networking sites where you can set up a profile, join groups, develop networks of contacts, etc. I have a short list of them Here.

Starting A Dialogue

So you received a good response or a dozen to your ad... or you responded to one and have heard back:

Don't rush it. Take your time and get to know each other. If you are looking for a partner for a serious relationship, you'll want to know if you're compatible. You also want to get to find out each other's views on different aspects of relationships. This is the time you'll get a feel for how experienced each other is.

Don't give out personal information right away. It's easy to find someone's address with only a phone number, and a full name can make you easy to find. Before meeting, the Dominate should give the sub His/Her name and phone number and most of the good ones will give a sub enough personal information that they can be easily found. This information should be kept in the hands of a trusted friend when the meeting (which should be in a public place) occurs.

Be gracious. Most people are looking for chemistry, and if it isn't there, it isn't there. If the person you're interested in decides that you're not THE ONE, don't take it personal.

I must include this for personal reasons: I received many responses from Dominants with little or no experience who wanted me to teach them. I encountered bad feelings from those who felt that I or someone SHOULD give them a chance, and who were upset I wouldn't even though I specified in my ads that I was looking for someone experienced. Please Please pay attention to and respect what the person's stated needs are.

Again.... and most important... all through the process, BE HONEST! Even if what you lied about wouldn't have been important, the lie is!

Also, please visit My page on safety for additional information on finding out information about those you meet and a lot of great information on steps for safety

Join Alt.com - largest BDSM/Alternative Lifestyle Personals!

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